Joker's plan to use a piano against Batman
by shikyoseinen
Summary: Not exactly how he imagined it but hey it works anyway! Somewhat…..


Joker's plan to use a piano against Batman: Not exactly how he imagined it but hey it works anyway! Somewhat…..

Notes:

Big O part is AU while Batman: The Animated Series part is not.

Disclaimer:

The characters in The Big O and Batman: The Animated Series don't belong to me. The music piece also doesn't belong to me as well.

**START CHAPTER**

Gotham City has always been dark and gloomy.

To add insult to that depressing idea, there's always super villains' running around causing havocs everywhere.

It has become a norm in that place where a person can either avoid being hit in a car chase from the bat mobile, sewer workers attacked by a half-half crocodile, green coloured gas and hysterical laughter.

Heck, ordinary criminals joined in the fun robbing banks, pick pocketing and occasionally, murder.

Let's not also forget Gotham City's famous hero Batman, self-proclaimed dark Knight watching over the city.

Everything is dark, gloomy and added with the colour black. It's no wonder everyone feels depressed (Not to mention having bad taste in clothing) all the time.

One day, something cheerful and funny decides to pop up.

It all started in Arkham Asylum...

"Ladies and germs, today I learn something today that'll tickle your funny bone. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!" Joker laughed despite his current position where he's standing on a table in the lounge room in Arkham Asylum.

It seemed that he managed to gather an audience ranging from Two-face, Poison Ivy, Croc, Harley, The Riddler and other inmates.

"Get on with it clown. I ain't wasting time here to hear you laugh." Two-Face snapped.

"Sheesh Harvey, one of you really got to tell that other guy to lighten up." The joker pointed out.

"Why you…." Two-Face/Harvey crushed the remote control he held in his right hand.

"Anyway, there we were, Harley and me setting a trap for old Batsy. Sure, we need something to motivate him to join in the fun. At first, I thought of kidnapping the commissioner but hey, why not his precious daughter? Everybody loves a damsel in distress. We even got it in tape."

"Uh huh." Harley agreed.

"That is until we realize you kidnapped the wrong person!" The Joker snapped at Harley.

Harley jumped back as she was shouted by her precious Mistah J.

"Watch it CLOWN!" Harley friend, Poison Ivy shouted.

"Tell me Red. How can I not be angry? You would've thought that Haley complaining that the girl is heavier than Croc should've been her first clue that she got the wrong person. "He stated the obvious.

Everyone except Harley stared at the Joker in confusion.

"I mean she doesn't even look like the commissioner's daughter and I gave Harley her picture. Well to be fair, she did look a lot of different last time. I mean, who could've forgotten that the girl with red lips and then somehow she has black lips?" The Joker added. "Heck, I don't remember her change her character design so thoroughly." Come to think of it, she does look different than the way he remembered her.

"So, Who did you end up kidnapped?" Ivy changed the topic.

"You won't believe it. Harley kidnapped an android." The joker lamely stated.

Everyone stared at Harley.

"Hey. I was in hurry alright! You try kidnapping someone with batsychasing after you!" Harley snapped, embarrassed.

"An android, Harley?" Poison Ivy's eyebrow s rose. " Are you serious about this?"

"Well she told us what she was after the whole car chase thingie. I thought she put on some weight since she's so heavy." Even Mr. J's usual mooks can figure it out that she's giving out a poor excuse to justify herself.

"The android told you?" Ivy probed. " Just like that?"

"Yeah. " Harley nodded.

"Well it wasn't all bad. Batman did show up and I did manage to knock him out. The real problem was how to get him to wake up...," The Joker interrupted.

This got the inmates' attention.

"You didn't kill him when he was unconscious?" Two-face asked, shocked at how perfect the situation The Joker was with ending batman's life.

"Now where's the fun in that? Me and Harley didn't spent hour s planning to build the perfect trap for batsy for nothing you know." The joker justified.

"You didn't even consider taking off his mask?" he twitched. Deep down, he wished that the clown at least found out who he was.

"Must have slipped my mind. Oh well, there's always next time." The joker said happily.

Two-face slapped his forehead in frustration. "Pray tell what happened next" Both Harveys really want to beat up The clown right now….." It better be good…..for your sake." He threatened the laughing man.

"Well...

**FLASHBACK STARTS**

"_Is he awake Harley?" The sad clown asked. Currently he's playing a game of cards with the three henchmen he "borrowed" from a mob boss thanks to the clown prince of crime 'excellent negotiation skills'._

"_Nope." Harley stood in front of Batman waving her hand in front of the tied-down Batman, making sure if the Dark Night is truly unconscious. One can see that there's bag besides her that contains a variety of items including a white glove she used to slap Batman earlier and a taser._

"_I knew I shouldn't have done that...now, we have the police outside after my spats." The Joker casually said. _

_Apparently, the police are outside. The only reason why they haven't done anything was that The Commissioner ordered them to stand down since Joker's announcement via megaphone earlier that he has a 'guest' with him._

"_Don't you think we should get out of here Boss?" Henchman #1's tone of voice implied that he's scared for his life. His attention was never in the game, since he's worried about the current situation._

_The Joker gave him the LOOK._ "_(SIGH)" He casually squeezed the flower in front of his left breast pocket which released a green coloured gas._

_Henchman #1 took full blast of it and fell to the floor with a creepy smile on his face._

"You two _feel free to say anything." The Joker twiddled his fingers, the same hand holding the flower for emphasis towards the other henchmen who was smart enough to run away safely from the joker gas._

"_Go Fish?"_

"_(SIGH)." The Joker picked up a card._

"_Am I to understand that is how you treat your subordinates?" their android guest asked._

_All eyes stared at the android that is currently tied up in chains at the far side of the room._

"_What is it to you cupcake?" Joker asked. _

_Luckily no saw the glare Harley gave to the Joker._

"_The police will capture you soon regardless and you want to add assault to your list of crimes?_

"_Believe me sweetcheeks I've done a lot worse than that..." The Joker snorted._

_Harley fumed over the lack of attention._

"_W-worst!" One of the surviving henchmen squeaked._

"_It would seem that negotiating with you is pointless." Answered the android. _

"_Whatever you piece of junk. We're stuck in this old abandoned warehouse, Harley got the wrong hostage, Batman chased us all over Gotham, I accidently knocked him out, he's not awake for his demise, the police is outside onto us and I'm stuck playing Go Fish with these guys." The Joker stated. "Oh and Harley, don't even think of putting down that piano. We need that to crush Batsy."_

_Above the tied up Batman is a piano dangling from the ropes tied to it. To add more punch to the joke, the joker painted a red X on the floor where Batman is sitting on the chair. _

_Joker's Death by Piano to Batman! What? It's a killer joke! It's hilarious!_

_Plan: Epic fail. _

"_May I suggest an alternative to your solution?" The android asked._

_Angry Harley decides to take charge. "Ah shut up you bucket of-_

"_Hold it there Harley." The Joker revealed his hand which Henchmen no #2 peeked. "Let's see what she has to say." _

**FLASHBACK ENDS**

"And?' Ivy asked.

The audience in front of joker seemed to be annoyed as he didn't finished his story as he was too busy chuckling to himself. After a few seconds, he stopped.

"So sorry. Couldn't get that memory of my head." The Joker said.

"Continue telling us the story Clown.'

"Nope."

"WHAT!"

Why should I? Harley got everything on tape. "

The Joker took out a remote inside his pants and pushed one of the buttons. The television above him switched on revealing a screen with the words "PLAY" in it.

All eyes focused on the screen.

**ON SCREEN**

_The first thing that appeared is the sight of Batman being tied down to a chair. _

_Next to him is the joker kneeling doing what seems to be sawing one of the chair legs. _

_The Joker himself can be seen holding his laughter as he continues his work. _

_After he finished, he ran to the left off-screen._

_"Wait Puddin. You almost forgot this!" Harley's voice can be heard but she is nowhere in sight of the video camera. _

_"Oh yeah, the finishing touch." The Joker reappeared again on screen placing a cream pie in front of Batman on the floor. Then, he ran off off-screen._

_"Ready when you are cupcake!" The Joker shouted off-screen with an exciting tone in his voice._

"_^$ #$^$^ I" Harley quietly cursed her lover. _

Play Run Down (Chopin's Prelude OP 28, No. 15 ~ 'Raindrop')-Very, very fast and very, very loudly...

_There was no way that the music the robot played is something soothing for the ears. The sound is almost deafening as the robot did not even attempt to slow down her pace as she continues to play. _

_Off –screen, Harley even twitched at her performance as she can be seen closing both ears with her hands. The Joker did the same as well but with a force smile on his face waiting for something to happen despite the horrible music deafening his ears._

_Even Batman is not immune to it._

_The dark Knight can be seen struggling against his ropes as the music is being played._

_"Urrghhhh...Urrrggghhhh...Urrrrgggghhhhh…..URGGHHH HHHH!" Batman's eyes widened instantly as he can no longer take the annoying music off his ears._

_At that moment, the chair could no longer take Batman's weight._

_The chair leg that the Joker sawed earlier snapped._

_The Dark Knight fell flat on his face onto the cream pie on the floor._

_Complete silence filled the air._

_The camera jerked towards the right revealing a young attractive woman in dark red outfit playing a piano which was supposedly used to crush Batman. _

_The young woman turned her head towards the camera (mechanical sound is present as well.). She had a deadpan expression on her face which made situation funny. To add more effect, she said: _

"_See?" _

**Arkham**

Never once in anyone's lifetime would they ever expect that the other people in Arkham Asylum other than the Joker would laugh so much and so hard.

"KEEP IT DOWN YOU MANIACS!" The Warden stormed into the lounge room.

**AT THE SAME TIME**

In the Batcave, 3 people are present: Batman, Robin and a Butler.

"Bruce, you sure about this?" Tim Drake asked.

"Yes I'm very sure. You don't have to go for Piano lessons anymore." Bruce Wayne, alternate identity of the Dark Knight confirmed. _I even threw out the Wayne family Piano. I don't think I can ever look at pianos the same way ever again._

"Wait…..is this a trick? What made you changed your mind?" The boy wonder asked. For some reason, Bruce's sudden decision to make him stop going for piano lessons seems to be too good to be true.

"I assure you it's no trick. Tim." Bruce assured.

"OK then..." The Boy Wonder walked away, his facial expression suggests that he's still confused about what's going on or completely disturbed by this newfound information.

"Sir, if I may ask." The butler, Alfred asked. "What happened in the warehouse? I found dry stains on your mask." Said stains smell good like cake.

"Thank the android. Apparently her idea was to wake me up with her own means." Bruce gritted his teeth about the memory of the incident. "Did you found out who she was Alfred?"

"No sir." The butler answered. "Why don't you ask her yourself?" He suggested. "She's in the living room, awaiting Bruce Wayne Batman's friend and ally to greet her."

"You're not thinking of playing matchmaker are you Alfred?"

"At the rate you're going I'll pair you with Vicky Vale if I have to." Alfred shamelessly admitted.

"Great."

"She did say Batman is a louse for leaving her here all alone Master Bruce." Alfred look at him sternly, clearly disappointed with the way his charge is treating a young lady like that. "I hope you apologize to her as Batman soon."

"I know I know I'm a louse….." Bruce sighed. "I'll make it up to her, First priority I mean it."

"And my name is Norman." Unconvinced, Alfred folded his arms. "And I hope that Bruce Wayne won't become another louse I assume?"

"You're enjoying rubbing this in aren't you?"

_If only you know Miss Gordon is fuming about this master Bruce._

Somewhere in Gotham city, Batgirl is beating the heck out of criminals fuelled by feminine rage and jealousy fitting for a teenager her age to vent out in anger.

By the looks of it, the crooks are even more scared of her and her angry mood swings than the male dark knight.

Why is she angry? Well let's just say she had a bad day and to have the villains she fought almost every night _**mistook**_ another girl as her to be a hostage for Batman and not to mention said girl is now must be having the time of her life being held by Batman.

She knows her gender. The young women in Gotham always dream to be held by Batman, the dark knight of Gotham and their hero.

And now said hostage must be in Alfred's kitchen; having the time of her life to be treated to dinner prepared by the dark knight himself. Hah! If only she knew that Alfred does the cooking.

To make matters worse, it's _**her**_ of all people.

Why her? Doesn't she have enough publicity as Batman's lover as it is from the tabloid magazines?

"What does she have that I don't?" What indeed…

**FLASHBACK**

_The Joker is insane. That is pretty much everyone from The Arkam Asylum and the Gotham City Police Force's impression of him. Because of that, whatever he said can never be valid for anything in court or anything else for that matter._

"_Ladies and germs, today we all learn that the great Batman can't stand the piano….HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHA" The Joker strapped to a four-point restraint laughed hysterically. "Who knew? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" _

_His henchmen, Harley and the surviving men can be seen smirking, following behind him despite their current situation._

"_Piano? Can you believe this guy? Who the hell's gonna buy that baloney anyway?" Bullock raised an eyebrow._

"_Just shut up Bullock. Not now" Gordon deadpanned. _

_All of the criminals nearly reached the van until….._

"_THANK YOU R. DOROTHY WAYNERIGHT! THANK YOUUUUUUU!" The Joker shouted at the top of his voice for the last time before he was pushed inside the ambulance. "I salute you piano! May the steel strings be with you! ALWAYS!" _

_After all of them got in, the vehicle went towards The Asylum, unaware that Joker had smuggled out a tape._

**END **

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**Read and review. I'm just uploading and old fic. **

**And yeah when I wrote this I can imagine Mark Hamill's voice as the joker.**


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